Raise your hand if you’ve ever struggled with despair?  Oh, everyone…right!

I recently went through a very mild case of such despair and while it’s no fun, at least it inspired this song!  I think the temptation when pulling oneself from despair is to divide and conquer.  We think that we have to be either 6 feet under or on top of a mountain.  If you can maintain the mountain high and not feel exhausted, good for you, but I think most of us try to hang somewhere in the middle.  I’m not talking about failure vs. success, I’m talking about despair vs. joy/happiness/balance/fulfillment.  But when we’re in despair sometimes we confuse what it is that will really make us better – not FEEL better – but what will actually make us better.  I certainly haven’t figured it out, but I know what doesn’t work – back to the divide and conquer!

Turning one’s life upside down may be in order at some point, but abrupt change or striving to obtain the world’s treasures probably won’t last in your heart of hearts.  The pain, the blame, the shame, whatever it is will still be lurking.

I think it’s important to address that we might actually be able to prevent despair in the first place.  I’ve always kind of cringed when I’ve heard the phrase “guard your heart” in the past.  Somehow it suggested to me a lack of willingness to dive into something or a barrier, but with age I’m realizing it is more about vigilance than about building a wall between me and everything/everyone I face.

I’ll probably say this a lot this year – you’re not in this alone – you have other people – and for many of us, faith to turn to.  Don’t use God as a crutch though.  He must be so sick of me waiting to come to him until the despair hits.  He must be like – “Hey – I was just here waiting to hear from you all that time…could have ya’ know, helped you through this in the first place, and maybe you wouldn’t feel like poop now…just saying…”  We/I need to build a lasting friendship with our faith.  How much time would you hang with a friend or watch tv, can you offer that same time to whatever it is that brings you fulfillment/balance/joy/happiness?

If My Heart is Sinking

I could brave the fiercest ocean
Claim this land, proclaim my devotion
Could replace this war with peace
But that doesn’t mean a thing
If my heart is sinking

I could make millions of dollars
Gain the wisdom of all the world’s scholars
I could taste a feast made for a king
But that doesn’t mean a thing
If my heart is sinking
If I’m drowning
If my heart is sinking
If I’m drowning

Waves crash, guard your heart
No time to save the shame
The blame you’ve harbored

I could pray with all my might
Stay on my knees til they bleed through the night
I could hang my past out to dry
But that doesn’t mean a thing
That won’t mean a thing
No, that’s doesn’t mean anything
If my heart is sinking