Author Archives: djsummers

Running to You

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Three years ago I was living in Iowa, working in an amazing job with wonderful co-workers.  I was surrounded by amazing friends and a support system most people dream of.  I owned a house and a car and for the most part wanted for nothing.  However, there was one piece of my heart that was being left unattended and ultimately, despite many reasons that I expressed to the masses, led me to move away from it all to New York City.

To be honest, these some odd years later — I wasn’t really moving to New York to pursue a grad program or to “give myself creative space,” although that was closer to reality.  In fact, I had prayed and discerned for several years, on my own mostly and also with a couple close friends and confidants, about what form love might take in my life.  I was a Catholic man who happened to be gay, working for the Church in many different capacities.  No one ever said to me along the way, “you aren’t allowed to date men and work here.”  In fact, I know that many of my colleagues and friends would have been happy for me or open at least if I had found someone there.  But ultimately, weighing my own beliefs and what I felt was best for the student population that I worked with, I never allowed myself to be open to dating.

The problem for anyone who feels called to something and resists that call or hides that part of themselves is that the energy devoted to this ends up being redirected for better or worse. Long story short, I wasn’t proud of who I was away from my friends and the people I loved in Iowa.  After years of trying to make it work, I decided that I had to run away from a beautiful life for a life that at the time seemed scary and unknown.  Simply stated, I left Iowa to find someone to love.

Fast forward to today.  Beyond my wildest hopes or expectations, I found an amazing Catholic Church and parish community in New York with a ministry devoted to LGBT folks.  I found a young adult music ministry where I was able to share my gifts.  And from those ministries, a wonderful man found me, who is now my husband.  Through all of this, I have found a deep peace with the intersection between who I am and the living out of my faith.  No longer do I sing in front of the masses thinking, “if only these people knew who I really was.”  Instead, I live my life with all of myself expressed outwardly and openly.

Despite all that New York has offered Adam and I, we have decided that it’s time for us to find a place that better fits the needs of our future.  We want to adopt and raise a family.  We want to be closer to family.  We want to be in a better place to individually cultivate and flourish our careers.  We decided that we’ll start the search for our future in Nashville, Tennessee this July!

The feeling that I had 3 years ago of “running away from” has been transformed by the grace of God into a distinct feeling of “running to.”  HERE I COME!!!

Enjoy this new song, RUNNING TO YOU.

 

RUNNING TO YOU

I was young and naïve
Didn’t know what to believe
Desperate for one to love
My heart got tied up
 
I was set in a dream
But I got cold feet
That was then, this is now
It all happened so fast somehow
 
You were always waiting for me, O God
 
This time I’m not running away
I’m running to You, I’m running to You
This time I’m not running away
I’m running to You, I’m running to You
 
Squandered more than I gained
And called it living
Splendid on the outside
But within I’d died
 
Tension built up
Rising in my gut
So I fled, so I flew
What else could I do?
 
You were always waiting for me, O God
 
This time I’m not running away
I’m running to You, I’m running to You
This time I’m not running away
I’m running to You, I’m running to You
 
Whatever noises, voices call
Whatever forces cause me to fall
I’m headed straight for you, O Lord
I am free to choose
 
This time I’m not running away
I’m running to You
I’m running to You, I’m running to You
I’m running, I’m running
I’m running to You
I am running
I’m running to You

 

At the Lullwater Bridge

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I’ve been away from here for quite some time (almost TWO years!).  When I last posted I had just fallen in love and shared several songs about what that looked like at the time.  Many things have changed since then, but Adam has remained a constant throughout.  On September 20, 2014 we were married in Prospect Park, Brooklyn in a simple, spiritual, and beautiful ceremony.  On that day we met our guests in the middle of the park at a lovely spot, the Lullwater Bridge, which sits next to the boathouse and is just steps away from where we committed ourselves to each other for the long haul.

I’ve written MANY songs over the last couple years and plan to start sharing again here regularly!  This is the first I’ll share.  AT THE LULLWATER BRIDGE — Ultimately it’s an intimate song, remembering the joy and beauty of our wedding day.  Looking deeper, it’s about places that serve as mental benchmarks for us along the waters of life.  When things feel tumultuous and stormy or stale and dry, where do we look for peace, and who might dwell there in remembering?

AT THE LULLWATER BRIDGE

Baby, you know my heart like the back of your hand
You feel it racing before I have a chance
To show you how your love moves me
Like a river it flows and the deeper it goes
I wanna go back to where it all began

So meet me at the Lullwater Bridge
Let’s walk over the memory again and again
Meet me at the Lullwater Bridge
We’ll rejoice in the day our lives forever changed
At the Lullwater Bridge

Sometimes the tide surges in and swallows the shore
It can feel like the end, but I know that there’s more to be seen
It’s hard to believe
If you’ve gone out to sea you know where I’ll be
Yeah, right back where it all began
 
So meet me at the Lullwater Bridge
Let’s walk over the memory again and again
Meet me at the Lullwater Bridge
We’ll rejoice in the day our lives forever changed
At the Lullwater Bridge
 
When the currents rage and pull us down
Just remember the words we vowed
I will be true through shine or storm
And I’ll love you evermore
 
Meet me at the Lullwater Bridge
Let’s walk over the memory again and again
Meet me at the Lullwater Bridge
We’ll rejoice in the day our lives forever changed
At the Lullwater Bridge
 

52.16 ~ not yet (pas encore)

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Isn’t it hard to live in the present?  There is so much that follows us from the past, and there is so much to look forward to.  The air that surrounds us in the moment seems to escape us with all that we carry in our minds.

In a new relationship, it can be incredibly challenging to not get ahead of yourself.  To dream about travels, commitment, children, retirement.   Despite knowing that there will be storms, and that we’ll fall short, and that this earthly journey will literally end, there really is so much good on the horizon.  It’s certainly not bad to dream or to plan for the future – in fact it’s necessary, but what about today?  If we are always looking ahead, today will always be lost, and we can’t get it back.

This final song from “Reach For Me” is called “Not Yet.”  I wrote it especially for Adam, my love, but I know you’ll relate in some way.  I’m so grateful to have this person in my life today and I’m so excited for all that might be in store, but not yet.  “The only truth that we know is the moment that we hold.”

NOT YET

Can’t wait to see you tomorrow
To laugh with you next week
Can’t wait to pack a bag
Look back on all we’ve had
Can’t imagine what we’ll see

Can’t wait to make a plan
Look in your eyes, take your hands
I can’t wait til then
But not yet
Not yet

Can’t wait to write our story
To make right when I am wrong
Try out a melody
Embrace your harmony
Til the dream becomes our song

Can’t wait to hear it play
By your side, all the way
I can’t wait til then
But not yet

The only truth we know
Is the moment that we hold
O! I can’t wait until that day
But not yet
Not yet

Can’t wait to count little fingers
Adore little toes
Compose a lullaby
Count all the reasons why
This is the life that God intended

Can’t wait to watch them grow
To watch them go
But not yet
Not yet
Not yet

52.15 ~ everything (tous)

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The third, but most important “person” in any relationship…GOD!

Sometimes in a new relationship, it’s easy to become enveloped in each other and forget about almost EVERYTHING else!  In fact, sometimes it can feel like the relationship itself is your whole world.  I’m so fortunate that I met my love through choir at our awesome parish, St. Paul the Apostle.  Faith, for both of us, is incredibly important and something that was not always a priority in other relationships in the past.  It really makes all the difference when you can come back to that central point of faith.  It’s truly a gift when you can admit, I’m gonna fall short a lot, and when your partner can admit that they’re gonna fall short a lot, and that only with God and faith and trust will we survive this thing and this life.

I’ve talked a little on my blog about being gay and being Catholic, but there is a whole new dynamic when you involve a significant other.  Being Catholic there is a lot of fear entering into a relationship with another man.  I have to think about, what message is this sending, am I scandalizing my brothers and sisters in the Church, etc.  I want everyone to know that this is not something that I’ve jumped into lightly.  This is something that I’ve been truly discerning for years.  My conclusion, I’m happier, healthier, and most importantly – closer to God and my faith when I’m in relationship with someone.  And ultimately, I hope that by being closer to God I will be closer to all of you as well – to be freed up to reveal more of my true self as a child of God to each of you.

Back to the fear I mentioned.  This time around, dating a wonderful guy, in prayer I’ve really felt our Lord affirming me…BE NOT AFRAID, BE NOT AFRAID, BE NOT AFRAID.  And that’s really why I’m sharing here.  We can all get caught in judging, but we really really really have to leave that part to our Lord.  We certainly have to pray for each other and advise each other, but leave the judging to God.  One of my favorite lines from a Sara Groves song says, “I can’t even judge myself, only the Lord can say, well done.”

Together, let’s look to the Lord, who brings each of us closer to, everything.

EVERYTHING

I’ve got a way with words
They stampede like a wild herd
Til they’re tamed and rearranged
I’m not everything

You know the way of silence
Still and stoic like a picket fence
Til it’s saved by the sound of grace
You’re not everything

I’m not everything
You’re not everything
But together we’re onto something
That feels like everything
Everything

The weight of your love caves me in
Til you gather the pieces again
I will break and you will break
We’re not everything

I’m not everything
You’re not everything
But together we’re onto something
That feels like everything
Everything

When we’re alone I pray
I can hear him say
Be not afraid
Be not afraid

I’m not everything
You’re not everything
But together we’re onto something
That feels like everything
Everything

52.14 ~ remember how to love (se rappeler comment l’amour)

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Another facet of every relationship is the storm.

The storm typically catches us off guard.  Sometimes small moments of misunderstanding, pride and insecurity sneak in and cause us to act in a way that is completely contrary to the deeper feeling we have for a friend or loved one.  We humans can act so irrationally in these moments.

Other moments in life might look a lot more like a real storm with physical, emotional, or mental destruction.  It’s almost unbelievable what we’re capable of doing to those we care about.  However, if a relationship is rooted in genuine love, a transcendent love, the same love that literally is God, it really and truly cannot fail.  We might fail, we might forget how to love, but love never can and never will.

In any relationship, with a friend, family member or significant other it’s so important to establish a common ground, a root that goes deep enough to ride out the storm.  This understanding that when all is said and done we’ll remember why we love and how we love is what sets us up for something lasting.  Even better, this understanding might prevent some of the storms in the first place.

My hope and prayer in this second track from my video EP “Reach For Me” entitled “Remember How to Love” is that when the storm approaches that those I love and that love me would actually reach for me like a tree bending in the harshest wind.  It might not be comfortable and it might require a small or even great amount of humility, but it might just save us both in the end.

REMEMBER HOW TO LOVE

Maybe I said something wrong
Maybe you conjured this storm
Cause the lightning in your eyes
Reflects the thunder in my cry

Maybe I should have gone
Before the roof was blown off
Now the rain is filling in
And our hearts are drowning

When the flood rises up
Let us remember
Remember how to love

Maybe I bend til you break
Maybe you pull til I push
The only proof we need
Is in the wind that we cannot see

When the flood rises up
Let us remember
Remember how to love

In the calm just before
We forget who we are
Reach out to me
Like a branch on a tree
Surrendering to earth’s majesty

Maybe I said something wrong
Maybe you conjured this storm

When the flood rises up
Let us remember
When the flood rises up
Let us remember
Remember how to love

52.13 ~ just me and just you (juste moi et viens de vous)

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Falling in love.  There is nothing quite like it.  It reminds me of going for a good run…

For those of you who know me – you must be thinking, “did David just use the word ‘run’ in a sentence?”  I would never have put the word “good” in front of the word “run” until very recently, so no worries, you’re not too out of the loop!

A month ago today, May 17th, I ran my first half marathon here in Brooklyn, NY.  I had done more training/running in the four previous months than I had in my entire life, but when I showed up to the start line 31 days ago, I didn’t know if I would make it.  I was excited and even jazzed up, but there was a little nagging voice that kept reminding me that I wasn’t cut out for this.

I think falling in love can be like this too, right?  We show up excited and even hopeful for what lies ahead.  But we’ve been hurt before, or cheated on before or any number of actions that have left us skeptical about finding a lasting love with another man or woman.

After I passed the start line the real highs and lows began – moments of joy thinking of friends and family, new love, music, all that the future might hold for me – moments of despair not believing that I could really run 13.1 miles.  The race became an immediate metaphor for life and love.

I didn’t run this literal race with anyone by my side, but the inspiration of so many loved ones and my faith carried me through.  I can’t remember another time that I couldn’t stop crying because of joy, but after the race I was inconsolable.  I was so grateful, so full of life (although I wanted to lay down for like 2 weeks), and felt so blessed to be a part of it.  In grade school I was the fat kid who could never finish running the mile (1 mile), so this task of 13.1 miles, which so many people accomplish, was a feat for me that I don’t think I’ll ever forget.

Ultimately, in the race of life and love, we simply can’t get to the finish line alone.  This first track from my video EP “Reach For Me” is called “Just Me and Just You” and is about leaving the past behind while running into new love, helping each other through it, and looking forward to that glorious moment at the race’s end.  It reflects the joy that I felt at the end of the half marathon, but more so the joy of being in love!  Enjoy!

JUST ME AND JUST YOU 

I’ll put on my red sneakers
You put on your red sneakers
And we’ll go how we do

Leave behind binding mementos
That leave my mind where the wind blows
And we’ll go how we do

And we’ll run side by side
Into the light
Away from blood and bitterness
Only to find
A blazing sign
That points us to
Just me and just you

On the way I will trip
On the way you will trip
And we’ll fall how we do

I will reach out for you
If you will reach out for me too
And we’ll go how we do

And we’ll run side by side
Into the light
Away from blood and bitterness
Only to find
A blazing sign
That points us to
Just me and just you

Ah, ah, ah
And at the race’s end
I will look to you my friend
But til then

I’ll put on my red sneakers
If you put on your red sneakers

And we’ll run side by side
Into the light
Away from blood and bitterness
Only to find
A blazing sign
That points us to
Just me and just you

Ah, ah, ah
Just me and just you

I’m Back!

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Hello!

I took a bit of a hiatus with the blog as I had some visitors here, travelled back to the Midwest myself, and worked on making paper flowers for a wedding (paperportrayals.com)…(yes, this is my job!).  What’s been more time consuming (in the best way possible) than any of that is that I’m in love!  In honor of this fact, I’ve compiled 4 new songs into a video EP of sorts called “Reach For Me.”  It’s only available here on the blog naturally and will be released 1 song at a time over the coming days!  Can’t wait to share these new songs with you and of course about all that inspired them.

I’m back!

David J. Summers photo-5Artwork by Chelsey Rogers.

52.12 ~ this must be spring (ce doit être le printemps)

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Spring is here!  Sort of…

When I was writing this song over the last week I didn’t realize that it would be snowing and in the 30s by the time I posted it!  Alas, technically…Spring is here!

There is nothing quite like it really.  The mystery of all these dead looking trees and grounds coming back to life.  As I’ve watched the trees bud and the grass peek through the dirt over the last couple weeks I’ve thought a lot about our souls in a parallel way.  They can sometimes look or feel a little dead, but what we live for is the spring, when we come back to life.

For those of us who are Christian we like to say, “we are an Easter people!”  I think this is what we’re talking about.  Although Lent is a beautiful time of prayer, fasting and almsgiving, it’s all pointing to the Resurrection, new life, rebirth!

Ignore this patch of winter-like weather with me and take in the beauty of the Spring, of Easter, and of the new life in all of us!  This MUST be Spring!

THIS MUST BE SPRING

My love was frozen
Covered in snow and
I couldn’t see anything

Just below the surface
A seed of hope was
Planted in me

You come into bloom
And all I can see
Is you unfolding
Before me
You come into bloom
And all I can see
Is your heart unfolding
Before me
This must be spring

That which was barren
Will grow and fill in
The emptiness

Til it’s bursting with color
Like no other
That was or will be

You come into bloom
And all I can see
Is your heart unfolding
Before me
You come into bloom
And all I can see
Is your heart unfolding
Before me
This must be spring

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!
Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

You come into bloom
And all I can see
Is you unfolding
Before me
You come into bloom
And all I can see
Is your heart unfolding
Before me
This must be spring

52.11 ~ a man in the park (un homme dans le parc)

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You can’t live in NYC for more than 5 minutes without wondering where all these people came from!  It’s truly remarkable being constantly surrounded by 1,000 different people than the minute before while moving about.  And to think…every one of these people has or had a mother, a father, a childhood, a story.

As a creative person I love to think about where people have come from.  It’s a little too easy sometimes to dismiss a character on the subway or street or in the park, but literally everyone came from somewhere.

Almost every day I take my pooch Bella on an hour long walk through Prospect Park just two blocks away from my apartment.  In the summer, fall, and spring the park is bustling over with people walking dogs, playing with kids, running or riding bikes, attending concerts and ball games.  During the winter however, I was sometimes alone for most of the walk (which I enjoyed as I like to sing as I walk).

Due to this isolation, the other people who were there stood out to me in a new way, and I noticed quickly that there was one man who was there literally every day, standing in the same place, wearing the same clothes and doing the same thing.  He would just stand there, watching the squirrels.  There are a lot of squirrels in the park, but in the place where he stands, there are literally 30-40 within a 20 foot radius at any given moment.  Every day, no matter what time I would go, he was there, holding a folded up newspaper which he had scribbled all over with words, symbols, and shapes.  I have no idea if he suffers from a disability or a disorder, if he’s homeless or just really likes that place, but it’s easy to imagine the worst for this man.

So many of us have so many aspirations – creatively, work related, family – so many aspirations.  Most of us can’t imagine wanting to just stand there looking at a bunch of squirrels, but who am I to say where he should be?

The more I encountered this man, the more I thought about him, and came to the beautiful conclusion that he and I are probably a lot more alike than I would have wanted to believe upon first glance.  He was born and probably had a family, and dreams just like me.

Who have you dismissed or not even noticed?  Are they really so different from you?

A MAN IN THE PARK

There is a man in the park
Who stands in the same place every day
Tucked away on the path less taken
Where only the squirrels play

He watches them with a child’s wonder
And I can’t comprehend
What he’s thinking or where he’s been
Was this his plan, just watching them?

But he has a story
He was a boy
Climbing the tallest tree
And as a young man
Stared into the skies
With love in his eyes
And a dream
In the palm of his hand
We’re not so different

Now all he holds is a folded paper
Covered in black inked characters
Perhaps some guide to the galaxies
Or just some senseless rambling

But he has a story
He was a boy
Climbing the tallest tree
And as a young man
Stared into the skies
With love in his eyes
And a dream
In the palm of his hand
We’re not so different

Who am I to say where he should be?
In another life that could be me

But he has a story
He was a boy
Climbing the tallest tree
And as a young man
Stared into the skies
With love in his eyes
And a dream
In the palm of his hand
We’re not so different

New Post Delayed

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Hello!

I came down with a cold/sore throat this week, so I’m waiting to record the song for this week until my voice is healthy!  Can’t wait to share the new song with you.  It’s about a man in the park.  🙂

David J.