I debated a lot over the last couple days how to approach this post and decided to simply write from the heart and with transparency.

It hasn’t been an easy journey for me in the Catholic Church.  I came out for the first time in high school to my friends and even to my family.  It wasn’t a big deal to me, and it wasn’t life changing.  I went on with life single as I had been for the most part before and still without participating in sex itself.  My coming out was simply to say, I’m attracted to men, and so it frustrated me when I began being persecuted by Catholic peers who were acting on their heterosexuality when I wasn’t even doing gay acts.  I have to say that those who persecuted were far less influential than the many Catholic friends who maintained their loyalty to me as a friend and remain in my life today.  See, my faith was always more important to me than my sexual identity.

For the sake of some kind of brevity I’ll skip past the horrific details of a time in my life when sexual acts with men did occur and when I was consumed by sinfulness, but it is important I think to know that that time did happen for me.  I think it’s also important to note that this time was not about finding a partner, someone to share life or love with, it was rooted in the sexual act and a great deal of selfishness.

Throughout all the ups and downs, there was a divide in me because of my Catholic faith and it’s teachings.  I understood what the Church taught, but never felt like I could be open about every part of myself and at the same time lead retreats, cantor for Mass, or eventually run liturgy.  Not a single person ever said to me, “if you are ________  you can’t ________ ,” but I did that to myself.

I was pleasantly surprised when I moved to New York and started the hunt for a parish community that fit my needs as a Catholic and gay man that there were several churches with a gay presence.  I landed at St. Paul the Apostle parish where there is a whole ministry, Out at St. Paul, devoted to Catholics who identify as gay or lesbian.  To be honest I was initially leery of participating in the group because I carried a self-made stigma from where I’d come from, but through natural friendships in choir became more involved.

This past weekend I had the privilege of going on retreat with 50 gay and lesbian men and women and I was confirmed in my hope that these men and women were of deeper faith than I could have imagined.  It was a really powerful experience being with so many courageous people who have experienced similar struggle, discomfort, and pain, but also similar hope, faith and love.  The reason I had to explain all of this is leading to a story.

The priest who was with us on retreat shared an account of a Sunday 5:15 Mass back at our parish when a drag queen was passing by the church before Mass started.  She asked Father if she could have a look inside, and he of course agreed.  She came back out and said, “Father, there are people like me in there!  Can I really be here?  Can I stay?”  Father let her know that it was absolutely okay for her to be there and so she went back inside.  When Father came inside the church to process in for Mass, he noticed the queen hiding behind a statue of Mary and Jesus in the back of church, crying.

The average Catholic can walk in almost any Catholic church in the world and feel welcome or worthy of being there, but this drag queen hadn’t felt welcome in a church in a very long time.  I think it’s what Jesus would have done, so that’s the kind of parish community I want to be a part of.  And I want to be a sign of hope to all of God’s children.  Will you join me in welcoming the whore, the homo, the wretched, the rebel, the queen, the thief, the outcast and the priest?

I am very open to discussing this whole topic further, but for now ask that you contact me personally.  Enjoy this week’s song, The Kingdom.

THE KINGDOM

When we die
And are born to new life
When we arrive
On the other side
Within a beautiful palace
Who will surround the throne?

The whore and the homo
The welcome guests
The wretched, the rebel
Counted among the blessed
The queen and the thief
The outcast, the priest
A colorful kingdom
That’s what I see
The kingdom I believe

In this life
When the enemy strikes
Hold on to hope
And don’t let go
Although we’re still not home
It’s a comfort to know

That the whore and the homo
Are welcome guests
The wretched, the rebel
Counted among the blessed
The queen and the thief
The outcast, the priest
A colorful kingdom
That’s what I see
The kingdom I believe

There is room enough for all of us
In the house of God
There is room enough for all of us
In the house of God

The whore and the homo
The wretched, the rebel
The queen and the thief
The outcast, the priest
A colorful kingdom
That’s what I see
That’s what I need
That’s what I see
The kingdom I believe